


Longing and Belonging

by Smoakin_dontburnyourself



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Use, F/M, Modern AU, Post-Break Up, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-04 08:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13360671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smoakin_dontburnyourself/pseuds/Smoakin_dontburnyourself
Summary: Hux and Jessika are getting married. Ben and Rey haven’t seen each other in years, it goes as well as could be expected.Or the classic tale of weddings, misunderstandings, and love rekindledReylo Modern AU





	1. Coffee and Company

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Reylo and I'm so excited to join this fandom full of wonderful people and writers.
> 
> Any thoughts/feedback would be amazing as I'm trying to nail the down the voices

 

The coffee place is crowded enough that Rey has to squeeze in behind Finn least she loose him amidst the people and the noise. The little tables that decorate the perimeter of the space are all full and even from the window that faces the lot, she can see that the line wraps around the entire length of the counter.

 

Rey, cramming her limbs together in an attempt to dodge as many shoulders as possible, thinks that the foot traffic is uncommon at this time of day. Though, upon further inspection, she figures that the influx has something to do with the end of the semester as the sea of university paraphernalia registers in the back of her mind. It’s one of the side effects of living within five miles of a college campus, everything gets insanely crowded once finals are over. 

 

She can hardly complain though, it hasn’t really been that long that she was amongst the annoying college students flocking to all the local spots after a long semester of sleep deprivation and other similar tortures. She’s almost positive she annoyed some of the residents, laughing a little too loud with Finn and Poe, staying a little too long with Rose and Jessika, or on days that all their schedules aligned, all of the above. 

 

Now she has a job, an apartment, a slight caffeine dependency, and she can’t bring herself to be annoyed at all the movement. Finn, on the other hand, who is leading them through the door, doesn’t seem to share her sentiment when he suddenly comes screeching to a stop, muttering a low curse under his breath. Rey, who is paying more attention to her phone and less to their route past the mob of customers, promptly slams into his back, the surprise of it ripping a gasped ‘ _ oh god _ ’ from her person

 

She blinks, frowns, and then opens her mouth to say something perhaps a tad snarky about the whole situation. Though before she can articulate, she steps to the side and follows his gaze to catch sight of whatever it is that has offended him so.  

 

Immediately any moisture in her mouth goes dry and whatever she would have said dies on her lips. She swallows and the words hit the bottom of her stomach where they metamorphosize into a surge of butterflies in such an abrupt progression that it nearly gives her whiplash. 

 

Its a face she didn’t think she’d see again,

 

there, sandwiched between clusters of college kids

its  _ Ben _ . 

 

The name weighs heavy and the suddenness of it all sends her heart hammering within her chest. 

 

She’s tried not to say it, his name, not to talk about it, let alone think it, but once she’s heard it in her head again it seems that she’s left defenseless against it. 

 

_ Ben. _

 

His hair is longer. It’s the first thing she notices about him, it looks  _ different _ . 

 

It’s dark and it flows past his jawline curling into the sides of his long neck. The thick strands frame his face and cover his ears, a feature she knows he's never been fond of and although she had been, fond of his ridiculously large ears, she thinks that the style suits him. 

 

He sticks out like a sore thumb in his dark suit and he’s staring down at his phone, not bothering to look up as the little bell on the door announces a new set of patrons. 

 

“Shit, Rey” Finn mumbles into his collar. He’s already eyeing the door when Rey tares her stare away from the tall familiar man long enough to look up at her friend. She hopes that her expression comes off as calm, that he can’t sense the sheen of anxiety that settles over her skin at the sight of him. She wonders if she’s failed or if Finn just knows her too well when he shoots her another worried look.

 

“We should go, you don't have to-” but Rey is already shaking her head. She takes another look at Ben, and after doing a bit of mental math, she figures that he must have graduated from law school by now. It would explain the suit and the clean shaven face and why he looks so  _ important _ . He’d always wanted that after all, to be important, and a small very dark and very selfish part of her is bitter that he seems to have achieved just that, without this place and without her. She hates that the thought lives inside her but she can’t deny that it throbs somewhere deep and still raw within her.

 

Another part of her, bigger, where her pride exists, squares her shoulders, and takes a deep breath. The air she inhales smells of coffee and isn’t quite as sedative as she’d hoped. Instead it burns her lungs and sends her back to a time where they might have been here, two college students pretending to study tucked away in a corner, stealing kisses and touches under the table. 

 

But that's not them anymore, instead they’re strangers, two people that might have never seen eachother again were it not under the circumstances of  _ accidental _ . 

 

“It's fine, Finn” she says, pulling him by the sleeve into the back of the line “It's been, what? three years?” just shy of that, actually, but remembering how long to the day would be sad and pathetic of her, so she keeps that to herself. Instead, she feigns nonchalance, even when the adrenaline pumping through her veins is making her head spin “Its so crowded in here, he probably won’t even notice us” 

 

Finn seems unconvinced but merges into the line behind her just the same. 

 

Rey watches as the familiar slouch shuffles through the line and goes through the motions of ordering. She studies his adam's apple as it bobs with speech, how he nods, touches his hair and then his lips when the barista reads back his order to make sure it’s correct. How he dwarfs the bill he hands over to the cashier, how, despite everything, he’s still the same Ben that drops his change in the tip jar when he thinks no one is watching. 

 

It shouldn’t be as fascinating as it is, watching him exist, but she’s spent too much time trying to convince herself that he was never real to begin with that the sight is mesmerizing. Briefly, she lets herself wonder why he’s here. Work, perhaps? Some kind of lawyer-y thing that she wouldn’t understand. But then the reasonable voice in her head shuts down the thought and its gone before she can really make anything of it.  _ Why should you care?  He’s not here for you _

 

They make it to the front of the line as his drinks are getting handed off. Finn orders for them both and Rey musters up enough cohesion to offer a tight lipped smile to the petite girl working the register.  _ He’s not even going to notice, He’s not even going to notice _ , its a mantra in her head as she traces the wooden pattern of the counter as if it were suddenly the most interesting thing in the entire galaxy. 

 

For a moment, when the paper cup is finally in her hand, the warmth of it almost soothing, she thinks that maybe he  _ hadn’t _ noticed.

 

But she's never been that lucky and before they can make their great escape, caramel macchiatos to go, she hears a deep voice that is more familiar than it has the right to be

 

“ _ Rey? _ ” It's a thing reserved for movies how the world seems to stop right then, blurring around his silhouette as she turns, out of instinct, towards the sound of her name, the sound of  _ him _ calling her name

 

He’s standing there, one hand full with a paper drink carrier and the other stuffed deep into the pocket of his slacks. It seems like he’s made a stop at the condiment table because the empty slot of his carrier is packed with creamer and little individual packs of sugar. It’s all so normal that it almost makes her laugh. 

 

Rey thinks that she would have laughed, at the melodrama of it all, were it not for the intensity of his black eyes. She feels the heat of them, of his stare taking her hostage, it looms over her eyes, her jaw, her hair, her  _ everything _ . 

 

“I-What are you doing here?” lips parted, slightly out of breath, he seems taken aback, like he’s been slapped across the face. 

 

Rey opens her mouth, opting to state the obvious ‘ _ coffee run’ _ , but before she can verbalize, a curt low voice speaks first

 

“She  _ lives here, _ you pompous ass” 

 

Ben’s eyes release her and flicker to where Finn has taken a battle stance. The glare on the shorter man is murderous as he tilts his chin up, sweat building on his upper lip, ready to swing at a moments notice

 

The promise of a fight is apparently not threatening enough to hold Ben’s attention for too long because his gaze on her friend is fleeting and then she feels his eyes return to her, heavy and piercing

 

“We’re just getting some coffee” she says, pinning Finn with a cautionary glance. The look says ‘ _ relax, I’ve got this’ _ but Finn is too busy willing Ben’s windpipe closed with his stare to notice 

 

Rey turns back and offers the same kind of tight smile as before, all for show, it doesn’t touch her eyes. It's the shittiest kind of self preservation, but its all she knows. 

 

“It’s good to see you Ben” his gaze wavers for a moment and he nods in a ‘ _ you too _ ’ gesture

 

“I came down for-”

 

“We don’t give a shit why you came, Solo” Finn charges forward, bumping against her back and the motion bursts the bubble of tension that they’d been entrapped in. The shop is still crowded only it has gone significantly quiet as various patrons stop to watch the encounter. Rey’s cheeks flame because  _ they’re making a scene _ . And then it doesn’t matter that she hasn’t seen Ben in years, or that he’s here in the quaint little coffee shop down the street from where they met, looking like he might have never known her at all. What matters is that he’s making a  _ scene _ . What matters is that he lost the right to do that. He doesn’t get to _ do that _ , to come rushing back  to the place that she lives, the places that she frequents, and make  _ scenes _ .

 

“We have to go” she hears herself say, catching Ben’s eye again and hoping to convey something other than what she feels “ _ Now _ ” she adds, for Finn’s sake. And in his defense, Finn scrambles to follow right on her heel

  
  
  


.

  
  
  


“What the fuck was that, Finn!” She makes it all the way to her apartment in silence before her composure crumbles. Her voice is a little hysterical, all things considered, and she hates how it sounds “I was handling it!” 

 

Finn, who would have, on a normal day, driven them down to the park to sip their coffee, sighs and sets his keys and their coffees down on her center table 

 

“Maybe you were, Rey, but I wasn’t” His eyes are tortured and he lifts his arms to half his wingspan, only to let them drop to his side. Then he’s pacing, pinching the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just paces back and forth with enough bite that she fears he’ll burn a hole in her floor. 

 

Rey’s head is pounding as she sits, the cushions of her couch sinking with her weight. Her elbows find her knees and her chin the cradle of her palms. The room is quiet, a vacuum for her thoughts, until Finn speaks again, the sudden noise pulling her away from her stupor 

 

“I’m sorry okay?” he relents “I-I know you don’t need this shit, and I shouldn’t have, but he- the asshole dumped you for his  _ stupid _ bougie-ass law school like-like you were  _ nothing _ ” he spits the word with resentment “ and I’ve never seen you so torn up, Rey” Finn pauses, looking at her, and then sinks to his knees so he’s at her level “and I never want to see you like that again” he’s searching her eyes though she’s not quite sure what he hopes to find 

 

“and maybe that’s selfish, and  _ I’m sorry _ ” he finishes, looking like he is,  _ sorry _ , looking like he’d do anything to never see her hurt again  

 

Rey fights the urge to cry, she swallows it. The memory of it all is too vibrant, too fresh even years later, the pain, the spiral, the loneliness 

 

Her friends had picked up all the pieces, put her back together, and, she thinks, they’d done a damn good job at making her okay again. 

 

A wave of emotion hits her again, at the mere thought of it,  only this time it’s a tide of affection for her friend 

 

“I appreciate that you care, Finn, more than you could ever know”“ she says, finding his forearm with her hand. She sees that it's shaking but when she grips his skin she feels steady “But I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, I can handle those on my own”

 

Finn blinks and then nods, conceding her point 

 

“What I do need, though, is for my best friend to watch some truly shitty reality T.V with me”

  
Finn grins “ _Kardashians_ or _Survivor_?”  

 

 


	2. Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when Hux had called, telling him he was getting married of all fucking things, to Jessika Pava, of all fucking people, he couldn’t help but be happy for the sonofabitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has left comments and Kudos, they mean the world to me!!!!!!!!!!

At least Hux still has an affinity for good weed.  

 

It's really the only upside Ben can find for this shitty situation. If he has to be here, he’s banking on the fact that being a little high will make the whole thing a little less soul crushing. He’s only been back for a couple hours though and it already feels as though he won’t make it out of here fully intact. So he doubts that even copious amounts of weed will help in the slightest. Still, he figures it’s worth a shot. 

 

The obvious solution, he imagines, is to leave. Or better yet, the  _ real _ obvious solution was to never have come in the first place. But when Hux had called, telling him he was getting married of all fucking things, to  _ Jessika Pava _ , of all fucking people, he couldn’t help but be happy for the sonofabitch. When he’d told him  _ where _ exactly the wedding would take place, well, that’d been a different story altogether.

 

But still, it was Hux, and although they’d never actually voiced the word ‘friends’ in reference to their relationship,  he’d still do anything for the ginger asshole. Even if that meant calling in his vacation hours at the risk of evoking Snoke’s wrath. 

 

He hasn’t seen Hux in a little over a year, not since they ran into each other at a mixer for S&S, the law firm that they both ended up working for, he in New York and Hux in Chicago. It’d been a requirement that year, to fly down to the Chicago branch and attend Snoke’s idea of a social event, a rally of sorts, really, which they’d promptly ditched in favor of getting a hot dog at a food truck that Hux had deemed ‘out of this world’. 

 

If you would have told him four years before then that he would be getting street food with Armitage Hux after work functions, he would have told you kindly to  _ fuck off _ . The twenty-something year old lawyer who put way too much ketchup on his hotdog was a far cry from the lanky rather snooty kid he’d been paired with by housing to share a tiny dorm with. It’d been a disaster at first what with Ben’s fuck all attitude and Hux’s obsession with order. But after semester upon semester of being denied a room change (and therefore a roommate change) they grew to understand each other and even, he would go as far as to say, grew to like each others company. So much so that they’d leased out a small place off campus for the last couple years of undergrad way back when.       

 

Today, a year under Snoke’s iron first seems to have taken its toll on the bright haired man, if the bags under his eyes and the tired slouch of his shoulders are any indication. Still, Hux regards Ben with his own kind of fondness upon seeing him slide out of his car, two cups of coffee in hand, and a grin stretching over his face. 

 

They meet outside of their old building, for old times sake, a kind of reprieve from what he assumes is the chaos of an engagement with Jessika Pava.  

 

They make it up to the roof only after having to wait fifteen minutes for an actual tenant to come or go so they could catch the door. It’s a gangly college kid, more limbs than anything, that finally bursts out of the door. His headphones are in, bookbag slung over one shoulder and he doesn’t give them a second look as they slip in behind him. They follow the familiar path up the backstairs and then they’re overlooking the organized chaos of the street.  

 

They sit there now, on the rooftop, with two cups of coffee and a small baggie of weed, just like old times indeed.

 

The dwindling morning is cold with the bite of late February but his coffee is warm and the relative quiet of the rooftop finally gives him over to this thoughts. They wander off to the weather, to wondering if he closed all the windows of his apartment, before, as if on a predetermined path, they take him straight to her

 

The image of Rey assaults him before his sorry excuse for a filter can deem it a danger to his sanity. And since self-preservation has never really been his strong suit, he gives himself over to her face, framed invitingly by tendrils of her hair, obscured entirely under the facade of a quick hello between two people that used to know each other.

 

She’d always been good at that, deflecting. 

 

And it mollyfies him to some degree to see that some things will never change. 

 

She still looks like the same girl that turned him inside out with her wide smile and bright eyes, that pulled him into her light so easily, like some kind of afterthought. The same freckles dusting her nose, the same wide hazel eyes. Her hair, cropped a little shorter, still the same warm hue. 

 

She looks the same, but he isn’t naive enough to think that she  _ is _ , not if that steely look in her had been any indication. The thought is troubling enough, that he’d tarnished something so good, without the picture to go with it. Now, the image of her, tight smile and guarded eyes, burns into his skin

 

Ben sighs against the rim of his cup thinking that it's just one more thing to add to his list of torments and the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

 

Hux, who has nestled further into his coat, goes to work as soon as they settle on the ledge of the building which, with its ugly brown color and austare architecture, could easily pass as a prison. He rolls the weed in a quick and precise ritual. It’s like riding a bike, apparently, because in five minutes flat he has a perfectly coiled joint between his pale fingers. Hux lights it, protecting the flame against the wind with his open palm, and takes a hit. After a moment he passes it, opting to take a sip of his coffee while Ben takes a long drag. They sit like that for a while before Ben blows out a measured cloud of smoke and along with it says “ _ So _ , Jessika Pava” 

 

Hux humms, speaking without taking his eyes off the skyline “if you can fucking believe it”     

 

Ben snorts “Honestly, I can’t. She hated your guts in college” 

 

“She still does” He says, surprising Ben with the humor in his tone “but, to be fair, I was kind of an asshole in school” 

 

“We both were. Still are, probably” Ben notes, puffing once and then twice before passing the stick back to Hux 

 

Hux accepts it, grinning, nodding, and then bringing it up to his mouth “When I saw her again in Chicago, she didn’t let me forget it, reminded me how much of an ass I was every chance she got, actually. Kept me in line, challenged the shit out of me, even Snoke liked her, if you can believe  _ that _ ”  Hux shrugs “and, I don't know man, everything just clicked. Her first day as my paralegal she told me I was an ‘Immature asswipe with daddy issues’ and a year later I proposed” Hux laughs and the sound is strangely comforting

 

“Her mom lives down here” he continues, picking lint off his pant leg “we leased a place around here some time ago and we come down as much as we can with Snoke up both our asses” Ben hums at that, wondering just how often that actually was

 

“She wants to have the wedding here, ‘ _ where it all started _ ’ sort of thing.” Hux shrugs again and focuses on something far off in the distance before letting the conversation trail off. It all makes too much sense once he really thinks it through, Hux and Jessika, that is, so much so that he figures he should have been expecting that call all along. 

 

Ben nods and then it’s quiet once more, the only noises coming from the street down below. He lets his thoughts wander off again, dangerous as it is. He thinks of Rey because apparently, that's all his mind will allot him unless under the distraction of work or sleep. It’s bordering on pathetic, is what it is. And he knows it probably makes him a self-centered idiot to hope that she thinks of him too, but the sentiment is there, ugly and throbbing with its own kind of selfish heartbeat.    

 

When he’d decided to come back, he had done it knowing he would probably see her again, she’d always been in Jessika’s circle of friends, afterall. What he hadn’t known was really anything else, if she’d gotten a job, or a dog, or a  _ boyfriend _ . He didn’t know if she’d gone or stayed and he wasn’t sure which one would hurt him more. Perhaps knowing that she had moved on would make him feel less guilty for leaving. Or perhaps, he thinks, it would have just made him more bitter that she’d decided to leave, just not with  _ him _ . 

 

But, after seeing her again, it's clear that it’s all the same asphyxiating pain. 

 

“You saw her, didn’t you?” It’s an observation rather than a question that cuts through the comfortable silence and Ben can only really nod

 

Hux, from his spot beside him, lets out a breath mingled with a muttered ‘ _ fuck _ ’

 

“I didn’t want to bring it up over the phone, I mean it’s been years but I didn’t know if-” he starts, but Ben waves him off, already shaking his head

 

“She looks... _ good _ ” Ben says, rather lamley, accepting the blunt from Hux, taking a last puff, and then killing it against the concrete with the toe of his shoe “does the gang of merry men know that you and Jessika are hitched? he asks, eyebrow raised with curiosity on how the group of friends had taken the news

 

Hux shakes his head “she wants to break it to them in person, it’s more  _ intimate _ apparently” he finishes, tone suggesting some degree of bewilderment at the whole thing “They know we’re dating though, told them a christmas ago, can’t say they were very keen to the idea at first” the hint of amusement in his tone suggests that there’s a story there and he makes a mental note to ask him about it one day

 

“Can’t say they’re very keen to the idea  _ now _ ” he adds, and Ben thinks it's the most he’s seen Hux grin in his entire life  

 

“But they love Jessika so they play nice” 

 

Ben thinks back to the brief encounter at the coffee place, at how Finn seemed ready to murder him, and he wonders if they’ll extend him the same courtesy of ‘playing nice’ whatever that means. 

 

Ben lets out a long breath, emptying his lungs, only to fill them back up to the brim with cold reminiscent air “I should have kept in touch” he says, and it’s almost like thinking out loud “with you, I mean. Could’ve called you on your birthday, or on christmas or some shit” but then it’s Hux’s turn to waive him off 

 

“You chose to go down to New York, I chose Chicago” Hux says matter-a-factly and then, in a tone that sounds more lamentable, “who would have thought we’d both end up working for the supreme leader himself” 

 

Ben wants to laugh because the title is fitting for the small, shriveled, somewhat evil man. It’s unsurprising that Snoke is the same brand of ruthless at all the branches of his law firm, though it was that same ruthlessness that had attracted him to Snoke in the first place. It’s why he’d gone off to New York to study at a prestigious law school instead of staying back to become some kind of pro bono attorney like his mother. Snoke had hand picked him out of law school after he’d successfully beat out each student competing for the spot, some, admittedly, in more conventional ways than others. Hux had accepted a full ride at a school in Chicago and had also been lured into working for the established firm, though the smaller, less influential branch. 

 

“Besides” Hux continues “I knew where you were, I just thought that talking to me would remind you too much of this place”  _ of her _ , he doesn't say it but it hangs between them just the same “figured you needed some space” he finishes giving a half-shrug

 

He could have told him that  _ everything _ reminds him of her, but that just would have been too fucking cliche of him

 

instead Ben takes in the familiar skyline for a long moment before turning to Hux “I’m glad you called”

 

At that Hux grins and says “of course, asshole, you’re my best man”

  
  
  


.

  
  
  


Jessika Pava, like everything thus far, looks mostly the same. 

 

Her hair is still long, flowing past her shoulders, her eyes the same shade of dark melted brown, and her glare is still one of the deadliest he’s ever encountered. 

 

That same glare pins him upon arriving at her and Hux’s shared apartment. The stare is a lot like Finn’s though this one is a smidge less murderous. Same ballpark though and Ben gets the strange feeling that it won’t be the last one he’ll see this week. 

 

Although, knowing her, the girl that used to live next door to them in college and who would routinely bang on their door demanding they ‘ _ turn down that emo shit _ ’ or ‘ _ stop smoking so much goddamn weed unless you plan on sharing _ ’,  he figures this is her under the promise of restraint. 

 

They live in a mid-rise building divided between condos and smaller apartments. Theirs is the former and the space is neat and modern. He sees both of them in it, strange mix that is, and the hybrid of the two makes for a rather homey quality in the condo. Despite it’s obvious style, It feels personal, what with all the little trinkets scattered around the clean lines of the furniture and the couple photographs he can see hanging on the walls. 

 

His bag weighs heavy on his shoulder and suddenly he feels awkward, like a stranger looking into someone else's life. The difference being that he’s known them both since college, he is, apparently, the best man at their wedding, and he's been invited to stay in their guest room. An offer which, upon insistence, he has already accepted.

 

Jessika, from her spot on the other side of the threshold, looks at him as though unsure weather to hit him or hug him. And finally, after a moment of uncomfortably shifting his weight from leg to leg awaiting her reaction, she settles for a quick hug followed by a punch to his arm which, if he’s honest, is delivered with a little more violence than entirely necessary.  

 

“It’s been a hot minute, Solo, way to fall off the radar” 

 

“Jessika” he greets, fighting the urge to rub at his arm “It’s good to see you”

 

She gives him a smile that seems rather genuine which she then balances out with a roll of her eyes  “Yeah, yeah, if its so good you woulda done it sooner” 

 

Ben grins and feels himself falling back into the ease of bickering with her. She’d always been easy to talk to, calling them assholes and dragging them to parties to get them laid if only to spare her the sight of their sulking. It’d been at one of those parties that he met Rey, a girl Jessika knew through a guy that had been stuck with her for a class project. She’d introduced him and Hux as thing 1 and thing 2 and, he guesses, that had been the start of it all. 

 

It’s hardly her fault though and it really is good to see her.

 

“Yeah, well, it looks like the two of you have been doing fine without me”

 

At that, Jessika rolls her eyes again and goes to step between him and Hux “I’d love to stay and chat but I’ve got a wedding to pull together” she says, gathering her phone and keys from the little table by the door “make yourself at home Ben, I’m going down to Rey’s” 

 

He looks down at her feet clad only in fuzzy socks and is about to comment on the fact that perhaps she should don some shoes. She leaves before he can say anything and he’s left blinking at Hux 

 

Surprised by how quickly he puts everything together and with enough composure to mimic nonchalance, Ben says “She lives here, doesn’t she” 

 

Hux has the decency, at least, to look contrite “second floor” 

 

_ Of fucking course _


End file.
